Double Tension

Whilst I am pleased that Contrail's full manuscript has been requested by an agent it has lead to a definite increase in the tension I am feeling. It's not helped by doubling up with watching England in the football! I now suddenly have all sorts of doubts about my baby - Contrail IS a good story, it's written to be commercial, it has strong central characters who have the ability to go onto new books (I have a draft of the sequel, Czechmate complete) and its so complex even I got lost at one point and wrote a line that gave my murderer a cast iron alibi! (You might think that this is not a problem but I hand write all my manuscripts in first draft because I find my thoughts develop at the same rate as I write, and I also write in a linear manner so that the story develops naturally. This may seem old fashioned but it works for me and it helps me keep a handle on the story - and to me that is everything. You can have as many pretty words and beautifully constructed prose but if your story is weak then the whole construct falls. But I digress.) (Another reason why I hand write and not type!) The doubts are there though - is it good enough, do people care about something that happened 60 years ago? The big one though is, is it the best thing I've ever written? I wrote the draft in 2009, I have developed as a writer since then, the one out on Kindle The Last Mountain is, perhaps a more gripping, affecting novel, so the answer probably is no. But it is a good story. I shouldn't let myself forget that. I still can't though. The doubts are always there. I suppose it's good that I really care about what I write but it doesn't remove the tension I am feeling!